As I stated in my last blog, (thank you to all of the readers, comments, and subscribers) that while I was going through adjustment disorder last year, I found my voice, which helped me progress immensely. One of the biggest ways I made progress is through my feminist voice. Just to be clear, feminism ONLY means that women want equal right for both men and women. It does not mean that we want preferential rights. At least I don’t anyways. While I found this voice and it is wonderful I, however, have a hard time feeling feminine and drawing on those strengths. For example, Thursday I was feeling very down on myself most likely because of the crappy weather. To try and cheer myself up, I wore a very feminine pink dress. As I was pulling it out I thought, “Why, why do I have to dress very feminine in order to feel good about myself. Why can’t I wear my normal jeans and t-shirt and feel completely glamorous?” I thought even further about why that was. Was it because of the societal standards that exist? Was it because of the societal standards I only think exists? Was it because I am insecure about myself, or was it a combination of a few or all of those reasons I just listed? I really do not know. I do think, however, that this is problematic. I should not need to dress in pink and lace and dresses in order to feel feminine.
I also found this problematic because I am a feminist. What I thought would solve the problem of my being down completely goes against everything that I feel that I should stand for as a feminist. I should feel completely brilliant, pretty, and loved in anything I wear because what I wear should not dictate how I feel. How I behave as a human in a patriarchal society should determine what I am and how I feel. Not my looks. Now, I am not completely naive. I know that psychologically it is nearly impossible to not judge someone on there looks, but I should not determine who I am or how I feel based on my looks. If society wants to judge me based on my looks and not me as a complex female human being, than that is fine with them. Good luck with that in life. I, however, want more for myself. I deserve more for myself. I demand more for myself. So to all of the ladies who when they feel down, dress up, don’t. You also should want more for yourself. You deserve more for yourself. You should demand for yourself.